Dernière danse (VI) [PG13]

July 8, 2014 in Dernière danse, Multishots, SeeKo by SeeKo

PART VI

Preparing to go out was a terrifying prospect for me. I had long resigned myself to residing within these four walls, and besides, with my disgusting hair and bone thing figure, I was hardly a pleasing sight. Nonetheless, Tiffany wasn’t having any of my excuses, which in all honesty, weren’t very convincing seeing as she could see straight through them. However as I slid open the door of my built in wardrobe, I noticed that dust had built up on my once figure hugging, attention seeking dresses, it had been that long. Fortunately for me, or perhaps unfortunately, a single dress had been preserved inside a garment bag. A deep shimmering blue with a glittery bow tied around the waist, I remembered being held close whilst being swayed sided to side in rhythm to slow jazz.

“Hey.” A single delicate finger lifted away a tear that had snuck down the side of my pale cheek. “Stop that.”

“Sorry.” I whispered.

“Happier times?” Strong hands turned me away gently and plucked the garment bag from my hands.

“Yeah. Before…” I swallowed. “Before I got sick.”

Tiffany lifted my chin, forcing me to look into those eyes. Those eyes that glowed light amber and were filled with compassion, sadness, understanding, but not love. There was no love.

“You looked beautiful in it.” She whispered to me.

In a rare moment, I was suddenly glad she could see into my mind. See who I once was. See everything that I had lost. Seen me when I was beautiful.

“You’re still beautiful.” She said in response to my thoughts, stroking my hair.

“I’m not.” I sniffed.

“You are. Don’t let the thoughts of the ugly influence how you see yourself.

“Fany, I can’t-”

“What did you call me?”

My head snapped up at her tone of voice.

“Uhh… Tiffany?”

“You called me Fany.” To my relief she didn’t seem angry, just surprised.

“I-I did?”

“You did.”

“I’m sorry?” I ventured.

“No… no…” She gazed at me curiously. “No one’s ever called me Fany before.”

“Sometimes they called me god…” Tiffany winked, “sometimes babe or the name of a loved one.”

My eyes widened as I realized the insinuation and heat pooled in my core.

“Easy there, Yuri. We’re not there yet.”

I swallowed and nodded before turning to my discarded dress.

“I guess I have nothing else to wear.”

“Yuri look at me.”

I turned around and Tiffany crashed against me, her lips tugging and teasing mine as she devoured me.

“Tonight.” She whispered between kisses.

“It’s only you.” Another kiss.

“And me.” Another one.

“No one else matters.” One more.

“Ok?” A trail of spit was the only connection between my lips and hers as she pulled away.

“O-ok…” I replied dizzily, my mind still reeling from her kisses.

Tiffany giggled. “You’re too cute Yuri.”

It bewildered me that Tiffany could have so many sides to her. Her changes in personality were something I could never keep up with. Even now, she had so quickly switched between sexy and seductive to coy and childish that my mind had gotten whiplash. But then my mind drifted back towards how Tiffany had been so uncertain as to who she actually was. I could only imagine how hard it must be, always being the image of what another person desired, but never one’s self. And that bothered me. It bothered me that my mind lay like a book before her, to read at will and yet to me, she was so hard to understand. There were so many sides to Tiffany that she seemed infinitely more complex than the average human being. Perhaps it was illogical that I found this so unfair. Time after time, Tiffany had reiterated to me that it was simply part of who she was; that she couldn’t turn it on and off, even if she wanted to.

“Yuri…”

“I know!” I snapped. “Stupid. Right?”

“No… You’re not being stupid.” Tiffany was looking at me, imploring me to understand, but I wasn’t in the mood, so childishly, I turned my back on her and she sighed. “I agree. I think it’s unfair.”

“I know nothing about you. You know everything about me, don’t you?”

“No…”

“Don’t lie to me, Tiffany.”

“Not everything. Only the things you’ve shown me. If it’s never crossed your mind, then I’ll never know.”

“That’s so much more than I know about you.”

Tiffany sighed again.

“Would it make you feel any better if maybe you knew something about me?”

Would it? I didn’t know. But it was better than nothing, so I nodded.

Firm hands on my shoulders spun me around before a finger lifted my chin, forcing me to gaze into Tiffany’s eyes.

“This is going to feel a little strange Yuri. Not necessarily in a bad way, it might even be pleasurable for you, but it will still feel strange so bear with me, ok?”

I almost laughed. Strange and Tiffany went hand in hand.

“But if I do this, you have to promise me something Yuri.”

“What?”

Tiffany tapped my chest.

“You have to let go. Let go of all this bitterness that you keep inside of you. The world gave you shit. Your life is fucked. I get that. But do you really want to spend the last moments drowning in your own self pity?”

I took the question as rhetorical, but really, I just didn’t want to answer that. But, internally, I couldn’t help it and by answering it in my head, I was answering Tiffany anyway.

No, of course not. But it had been so long. So long had I held all this sadness and bitterness inside of me, how could it be so easy to let go? It had been all that I had left to cling to for so very long…

“Yuri?”

“Yes?”

“I’m going to kiss you now.”

“O-ok.”

“This might sting a little.”

“W-what?”

But then her lips sealed themselves against mine and any stray thought that may have been floating around my mind was dispersed, leaving nothing but blank space which was rapidly being filled by achingly, hot, scorching desire.  It was a kiss unlike any of the others Tiffany had given me. Her tongue pressed against my lips and I opened to her, allowing the slippery limb to probe, poke and tangle with my own. It was sweet, hot, wet and all the things a kiss should be and more. Much more. My eyes flew open as I felt a tug, but not a physical tug. Something was pulling inside of me, jerking and twitching. Fiery pain seared through my insides, echoed by an equally as fierce sense of pleasure. And it just kept pulling and pulling. Tiffany’s lips were still crushed against mine and her eyes remained closed, but as I watched her some deep part of my mind screamed at me, screamed at me to pull away. That something wasn’t right. But Tiffany was one step ahead of me, wrapping her arms around my neck and crushing my body to hers and as I felt her soft curves press against mine, I knew I was lost. There was nothing left but that aching desire to be with Tiffany. To be part of her, to be joined with her, where there was no pain, no fear, no judgment, just sweet bliss until eternity. So as the walls around me faded away, I drew one last breath before sighing into her mouth, letting everything go, leaving everything behind.

~ ~ ~

No. It was warm. Comfortable. Safe.

Breathe, Yuri.

No, I don’t want to.

You have to.

Dun wanna. I curled in on myself and closed my eyes. I never wanted to leave.

KWON. YU-RI.

I knew that tone of voice. A long time ago, my parents would have spoken to me in that tone and I would have shrunk away, chin to my chest, shoulders slumped and bottom lip trembling. Now it was Tiffany’s voice that was speaking to me and whilst there were no tears in my eyes or burning cheeks, emotionally it was the same and I felt similarly chastised.

Breathe Yuri, and open your eyes. 

I gasped and exploded out of the warmth and security that sheltered me and suddenly I was alive.

Wherever I was now, I felt alive. I felt no sickness sapping my strength, no pain crippling my body. I felt strong, fit. Alive.

Wherever I was, I never wanted to leave.

You can’t stay here Yuri.

Why not?

This place, you do not belong here.

Where am I?

Welcome to my mind, Yuri.

And just like that, the grey walls that had lined my vision faded away and Tiffany was standing next to me, her hand in mine although for the life of me I couldn’t recall when she had taken it. She was dressed in a ravishing, white gown that seemed to glow with purity and elegance.  An aura of light seemed to envelope her, giving her an angelic radiance that took my breath away. But if Tiffany noticed, she didn’t react. Tiffany’s focus was directed downwards to a simple house, I assumed somewhere suburban with the lack of skyscrapers and rows of neatly lined houses. Tiffany tugged my hand a little and I fell in next to her as she walked leisurely towards what looked like an open field. However as we approached, I recognized the grey stones that littered the grassy meadow. A graveyard. There, a small spot of black stood out amongst the grey and as we walked ever closer, I identified the features of a small girl, youthful in appearance, eyes closed and hands clenched together in front of her face in prayer. Her mouth was small and I watched silently, clinging to Tiffany’s hands, as the girl mouthed her prayer silently.

Taeyeon. Her name is Taeyeon.

I don’t understand.

You will.

Another tug and we moved ever closer to her, silent as ghosts and just as invisible. Finally, the girl, Taeyeon, dropped her hands and opened her eyes. There weren’t filled with tears, only wistfulness and a look of regret. Sadness seemed to seep from every pore on her skin. There was a rustle next to me and I watched as Tiffany’s spectral hand reached longingly towards Taeyeon, only to pass through her cheek. Taeyeon shivered and her eyes flicked from left to right briefly before she sighed and patted the tombstone. My eyes widened as I read Tiffany’s name engraved on its surface and Tiffany squeezed my hand in return.

My best friend. My everything.

I still don’t understand.

You will.

“We all have baggage don’t we, Tiffany?” I jumped as Taeyeon whispered Tiffany’s name. I glanced sharply to Tiffany only to see her shaking her head. “I… we could have been something special, you know? I could have loved you. You could have let me love you.”

Turning away from Taeyeon, I watched Tiffany’s face as her best friend continued. Her emotions were bare before me and I swallowed as I watched her struggle to feel that one emotion that she knew she was no longer capable of feeling.

“Now you’re gone and I never had that chance. It would have been so easy, but I never knew… I never knew how you felt about me.” Taeyeon sighed. “And now I’ll never know.”

And neither will I.

I could feel Tiffany’s confusion and struggles as if it were my own. Everything she felt, everything though was naked before me and as hard as she fought, as much as she screamed at herself to feel something, feel anything, all that was there was a void where her affection should have been. It hurt, and it was becoming increasingly difficult to distinguish my own feelings from that as Tiffany’s. So extreme was her desire that I was being swept away by all those negative emotions that were begin to well up inside of Tiffany. Anger, frustration, sadness. They broke over me in a huge wave and I could feel myself drowning. Then I realized that this is what it was to Tiffany, to be so desirable to everyone and anyone, to be so wanted, so needed but to never be able to reciprocate. To never whisper those words of fondness with truth and sincerity. For Tiffany, the most there was, was hunger and desire.  She knew there was more, she knew that it was possible, but she could never reach it. Worse, she could taste it through the thoughts of others when, in the throes of passion, they groaned their love to her, but that emotion was not hers to hold, or hers to keep and it faded faster than the setting sun on solstice of frosty winter.

Now you understand.

I could only begin to imagine how hard it must be. To know who you were and could have been, but be completely incapable of being that person. This Taeyeon could have loved her, probably did love her, but Tiffany would never know if she loved Taeyeon back.

Then it’s time to go.

Tiffany?

Yes?

I swallowed. Even if you can’t feel your own, you can have my love.

What?

I don’t have anyone else.

What are you saying?

In the intimacy of her mind, I knew that perhaps that this was the one moment that I had for her to fully feel my sincerity. My honesty. I would take a lesson from what she had shown me. With a breath, I covered her hands with mine and let myself fall all the way for her.

 All my love, is for you.

 

– – –

 

AN: And so ends the SECOND last part of this multishot. It’s almost done. I thought very briefly about ending it here, but there are loose ends to tie up and we’re not quite done yet. Hang in there though, ALMOST DONE!

 

Please review and comment 🙂