Clarity

April 17, 2013 in lau0601, what should be by lau0601

Having a nose allergy was not Tiffany’s definition of a good day. It meant a ridiculous amount of sneezing and whipping her hands out at lightning speeds for tissues. It meant loafing around muttering to herself. It also meant that whatever she was thinking, it would take a minute longer than usual as her brain struggled to not fall over.

Tiffany liked things to be clear. Simple, structured, clear. And she didn’t like things that were unclear. Muddled, ambiguous, hazy. Good, bad; right, wrong. Same, or different. She liked it that way.

Categories were useful. Pink, not pink. Similar, distinct. For the longest time, she had put Yuri under “Similar To Myself”, because, well, that had seemed to make sense. What else were they, if not similar? Style of dress, similar. Personality, similar. Humor, favorite foods, favorite books – similar. So why not put her in that category?

She had always thought that was why they had bonded so easily. Like to like, right? It was their shared interests that had brought them together, she had reasoned. So Yuri was labeled and filed in the right category.

Except, when Tiffany had next checked the labeling, she discovered that, well, maybe they weren’t completely similar. She didn’t know when it had started, but on a checklist of characteristics, they didn’t match as much as they had, before. And that worried her.

How would she categorize Yuri now? Did this mean that they were no longer compatible, if they were not similar? And above all, when had it happened? When had the change crept in and taken them by surprise?

It had hurt, astonishingly, the first time someone had remarked upon their differences.  And it hurt even more when Yuri calmly accepted it, when she went as far as to say, of course we’re different.

Tiffany was scared. She had always relied on the fact that they were the same. And now, was it not true? Had it always been a lie?

So she had watched, carefully, watched as Yuri walked and talked and moved. She noted down the differences – so many that she had never before noticed. Yuri didn’t like to use sugar for her coffee, Yuri didn’t like showers in the morning, Yuri stayed away from white pants.

It was fascinating, this observing. Bit by bit, Tiffany found herself putting Yuri under “Different From Me”. And on the day Yuri’s entire being was labeled “different”, Tiffany was surprised by how okay she was about it.

Yes, they weren’t similar. She laughed at the thought of that; how could she ever have thought they were alike? But it didn’t matter. No, it did matter, that they were different. It just wasn’t a bad thing.

It was clearer now. She could see herself clearer. Before, Tiffany had always seen Yuri and assumed that she herself was exactly like that. But now, it was clearer. In the differences, she was able to know herself better, see the things about her that set her apart.

It was clearer now. She was Tiffany, and Yuri was Yuri. And it was no longer a frightening thing to think about, their differences.

Tiffany liked it. She liked this new clarity.