A Thousand Little Vases: On This Side of the Horizon, We Wait

August 12, 2015 in A Thousand Little Vases, moonrise31 by moonrise31

A metaphor I once heard: When a vase shatters, it doesn’t break into a thousand little vases.

In other words: Something that has been torn apart can never be returned to its original form.

But consider: This something, pieced together with tireless effort and unending care, can still become something beautiful.

On This Side of The Horizon, We Wait

To be honest, Tiffany had seen it coming.

Well, not it, exactly, but what came afterwards: their parting of ways. They had gone past the point of turning back a long time ago, but the last official statement confirming that Jessica had left SM was the final wisp of gossamer web finally snapping, now fluttering in the breeze instead of holding “Girls’ Generation” together. That one delicate thread had been severed — at least, in the public’s eyes.

Tiffany had never viewed the situation as them doing something wrong or Jessica being at fault — that would be unfair to both parties. It was already unfair to see them as two halves when they, together, were a whole. Are still a whole.

Because she hadn’t traveled thousands of miles more than a decade ago only to remain shattered.

The discussions had been going on for a while, of course. Even before Jessica took to Weibo. The post that made some sneer, saying Tiffany and the others were ignoring the truth. Others screamed that they had been blindsided, had been totally unaware.

Tiffany just wanted her ears to stop ringing.

Girls’ Generation’s eighth anniversary came and went in a more muted manner than usual when the public celebrations were said and done. Jessica had texted the group chat, informing them that the announcement of her departure would come the next day. In one of her more bitter moments, Tiffany wanted to ask if Jessica could make the timing any better, punch “the end” into “Forever Nine” any more deeply.

But no, Tiffany told herself, it’s not the end. She’d had more than her fair share of experiences eating her words in a country where appearances mattered more, impossibly, than in the one she had been born in. She knew better than most when to throw in the towel, wave the white flag, admit defeat and prepare to move on.

Now was not one of those times.

And so the anger subsided, as Taeyeon was tapping her shoulder to get ready for their performance. Tiffany looked up to flash a quick smile, and then typed a brief message into the group chat before putting her phone away.

When she stepped on stage, all of that pink making her eyes curve shut (thank goodness they’re still here), the rest of the world fell away. And maybe, just maybe, they could still be alright, even if one of them wasn’t present physically.

“Hello, New York! It’s nice to see you again.”

“So, it happened.” Sunny flipped her laptop around so the others could crowd around.

Yuri scanned the article before straightening, looking anywhere but the computer screen. “That’s it, I guess.”

“It’ll be harder to see Sica-unnie now,” Yoona murmured, moving close to Seohyun as the latter stood brave and tall, eyes shining much too brightly. “But we can do it, right?”

“Of course!” Hyoyeon sat up on the couch. “And if she doesn’t come to us, we’ll go to her. We’ll…we’ll go to her.” She sank back into the cushions.

“Hey, Fany?” Sooyoung waved a hand in front of her face. “Fany. What’re you smiling so hard for?”

Tiffany glanced up, holding her phone out. “Jessi replied to my message from yesterday.”

“She looks happy,” Taeyeon said, quiet as that same happiness tugged the corners of her lips upward.

“Yeah.” Tiffany grinned, looking down at her phone screen again as her members gathered around. “Yeah, she does.”

Miss you guys too ! Keep smiling ; )

Jessica’s Weibo post: We miss you the most.